Category: Parent Talk
Hi all
I'm not a parent myself, but I received this message in an email and thought those of you who are parents or grandparents might enjoy reading it.
The Price of Children
The Price of Children This is just too good not to pass on to all. Here is something absolutely positive for a change. I have repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice.
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about price shock!
That doesn't even touch college tuition.
But $160,140.00 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:
* $8,896.66 a year,
* $741.38 a month,
* $171.08 a week.
* A mere $24.24 a day!
* Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice is, 'don't have children if you want to be 'rich'. Actually, it is just the opposite.
What do you get for your $160,140.00?
* Naming rights . First, middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles and flying kites.
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day..
For $160,140.00, you never have to grow up. You get to:
* finger-paint,
* carve pumpkins,
* play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs,
* never stop believing in Santa Claus.
You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
* watch Saturday morning cartoons,
* go to Disney movies, and
* wish on stars.
You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
For a mere $24.24 a day, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
* filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and
* coaching a baseball team that never wins, but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
You get a front row seat in history to witness the:
* First step,
* First word,
* First bra,
* First date,
* First time behind the wheel.
You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.
In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!
Love & enjoy your children & grandchildren & great-grandchildren...
It's the best investment you'll ever make!
minus the stuff about "god", I really like this.
Aah, I can´t wait to witness my son´s first bra .. no wait, I really can wait .. nothing wrong with that, but I really hope they will not develop man boobs.
haha Good one WB! And great post overall. Made me happy.
LOL, WB! That's awesome. I hate to be the Scrooge here, because I am sure that all the stuff in that first post is true. But, unfortunately, I fear that when people decide to become parents, particularly very young people, all they think about are the romantic things like in the original post. Truly they are probably wonders beyond what I can comprehend as a non-parent, but like marriage, viewing it with rose-colored glasses isn't the way to go, either. I think it's a balance between things like this post, but also realism.
I am a parent, but I understand both choices, to parent or not parent. They really are, from direct experience, an additional mouth to feed. All the child stuff has to go SOMEWHERE, one thing w which I agree w environmentalists. Soiled diapers, used pacifiers and bottles fill up landfills, it really is more use of the water, each new life takes its toll on the environment. I think those who really want to become parents need to realistically ask themselves why they want a or another child and how they think a child will change their lives, because they really do. I think those seeing parenthood through rose colored glasses, like this post, will be the most disappointed with the reality of it. It has its joys, sure, but it also has its trials, and I feel those who just love kids and can't wait to have one or more of their own are going to be in for a rude awakening. It's better and less disappointing to be knowledgeable of certain things, like as babies they will be hungry every so often and you will be tired, they can't talk so it'll be like playing charades w another human being for the next few years, they have their moments when they're just wonderful but there are also those where they're a pain in the *. If they're throwing up at 2 in the morning, they don't care that you have to wake up at 6, and I think those who look at both sides of parenting will be better adapted to the reality of parenthood.
Well, this post is a bit of a feel-good, platitudes, Hallmark type post, and it does not impress me, as a parent.
But having kids can be very wonderful and, for couples for instance, there is the cost of not having kids, which is they may drift apart, get bored and not feel the connection any more. We are programmed to want a family, and I think the greatest legend you can leave behind when you leave this world is your kids. It is your genes, your blood line, the result of your romantic endevor (in most cases, fortunately), something that will remain and immortalize you, at least in a way.
Beyond all these abstract things, well, it can be bloody annoying to have kids and not at all like in the post, but it is often way greater than one could ever describe with words.
So I think the post is clearly written by someone who either has never had kids or had them 50 years ago, it is cute though and for those who enjoy to read such that is fine.
Once you are ready, financially stable and have had enough sleep for the next 10 years, and are content and ready with your partner, you are ready, for those who do not really know their partner, struggle mightily financially or are tired and insecure .. it might be the worst time of your life coming up. Either way, it will be wonderful but extremely trying.
We are programmed to want a family??? lol, don't think so
Concur with Post 6.
Here are a few things they left out, since mostly they talked about the fluffy stuff that can happen when you're dealing with an infant / small child, I'm saying this for young people thinking about becoming parents, so inspirationalists plug your ears or deal:
When your little one gets sick, despite what they say about empathy, you won't always know in time. You'll find they've been sick for a day before you fully realize it. This can happen when both parents are overburdened and busy doing, you guessed it, the things that help pay the price for that child.
You'll be puked, pissed and shat upon frequently within the first year, you'll answer the door without having washed your hands completely after a diaper change, to e greeted by some nonparent who "would never ever do that!"
When they get into grade school you'll run around, go to teacher conferences, think you're doing it all ok only to have a teacher tell you you need to do something different. The child may totally want to be with you, be enamored with everything you're doing but it's not that they like the things, they just love you and associate it with you. Very cool, that, but when they hit pre-teen they want nothing to do with you anymore, after you just spent all those years investing in the relationship. We call adults pigs who behave this way, but kids will do it and it's normal. Sure, take them and drop them off, but don't come inside the building! Oh, drive around back, I don't want my friends to see our car!
Oh dad, can you make us some eggs? But my friends are coming downstairs can we be alone in the dining room?
Eventually if things go well, they have an adult relationship with you, but one of your major jobs / roles is not only to provide, care and nurture them, but it really is your job to let go of everything you've worked on for the past years. Yup, it's your job to be left.
Now, I wouldn't trade having a daughter for anything, never. But nobody's picking on parents or making parenthood look bad or contributing to something, by simply telling it like it is.
There's a reason I don't like Hallmark cards ...
I have to say I'm surprised at the negative reactions to my post. Granted, I pretty much agree with everyone because I never plan to have kids, but I thought more people liked that Hallmark card crap. LOL
That post is very touching for those precious moments when nothing else seems to matter. It's true though that in being a parent, you take the good with the bad. Before I had my daughter, I told myself I was ready and even though I wouldn't trade it for the world, I wish I had waited until I was more comfortable in my own skin, in a much better relationship, and really knew what I really wanted. There are a lot of things I wish I would have done better in terms of Chloe, but I can't go back and I do love her with all of my heart, but the road gets rocky and not just all sugar and spice. She drives me crazy, but she also makes me the happiest person in the world. So, whoever wrote that, and sent it round via email, go pop a kid out, and then write what you think because I don't think those views will be the same. Nevertheless, it brought tears to my eyes, for all of the joy and much cherished moments I have with Chloe. So, though it's not realistic, I can somewhat understand the point and feel warmed by its contents. Good post all in all. smiles
That last post brings up a good point: You're always looking back in life saying how you wouldn't do x now if you knew then what you know now. Well imagine then you have a kid, you're forty, and you don't at all do things like you did at 25. Well we all do the best we can, but even if you're not given to such guilt-ridden musings your partner may be, which is about equivalent.
All stuff to consider IMHO
Someone mentioned the cost of not having kids as being that partners can grow bored, and lose the connection to each other. I think there's a risk of that in any relationship, with or without kids. Often, a couple thinks that having a child will bind them more closely together, or will fix a troubled relationship. In my opinion, that's the worst mistake a couple can make. Kids are work. It seems that couples can often grow apart as parents because they invest all their time into the child, and none into their own relationship. I'm not downplaying the need to invest time in one's children. But that's also the time when the relationship is bound to be neglected, and thus fall apart. I don't want to deal with that, among so many other things, so I have chosen not to have children, and am happy with that choice,. But I have observed the above problem so often it's sad.
and Becky, I've never been a Hallmark kind of girl, which is why I thought I'd be labeled the Scrooge among other people's equally feel-good responses. I too am surprised, but I have to admit, pleased, by the fact that we actually have so many realists here. Positive things are wonderful, but walking around in a bubble is not.
Hey, I'd never put a cramp in Becky's style, she is one of the best posters of amusing material on here *grin* but after 6 weeks in basement rooms at parents and in-laws with two little boys I think I felt the need to comment *grin*, no, I do not recommend it, however nice the parents and in-laws are, and I have no complaints there.
Anyways, having kids changes everything, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. It definitely will make or break many relationships.
But I still want to point out the over 40s couple who are, by now, unable to have kids and resort to expensive fertility treatments, adaptions or dogs to fulfil the parental void. Nothing wrong with any of these options though, but I often kind of sense a lot of unhappiness from them (not that I know many but I have seen a few).
There is never a clear choice whether to have a baby or not, and it depends on the individual, the realtionship, the financial and mental stability of the people involved and their desires.
I will keep disagreeing with those who do not think there is a genetic component of us programmed to want kids. It is overridde, of course, and I think it does not become very strong until one's late 20s or early 30s. And I think one made a very good argument that we should consider the world at large when having kids, I think having more than two kids is a bit universally irresponsible, so to speak, seeing as over population is the biggest problem thratening our existance as a speecies and without curtailing the population increase we just won't survive on this planet.
It is a politically sensitive subjects, because what seems right or wrong for an individual and his/her rights does not necessarily mean it is wrong for everyone .. but it is someting that must be tackled at some point in time, and that being some time soon.
I know a woman in her early 40's, married & in an adoption proceeding. Actually she has been married 14 years and has been a foster parent & sponsoring a child overseas before this, so I don't think the infertility was something that took place when they all of a sudden decided on a baby in the 40's, but has been an ongoing thing. There is a sadness about this lady wondering if she took a different route trying to adopt if they would have gotten their wish by now, wondering why other prospective parents in their group got to adopt kids they were denied, and I personally know this lady & her husband aren't focusing on babies.
And, yes, from experience (it took me 16 months to conceive w/o any treatments), there is a sadness to trying for something...a baby...and it just isn't happening. I lost one friend...a woman who came up with an old wives' tale for why I was the problem in this equation, someone who is not only a busybody & names dropper but who openly argues w her own husband. Never mind that Mr Sponge smokes and at the time had a Size 42 waist...bad traits for ANYONE looking to have a baby, I was the problem child. Whatever...
However, veering from the original topic, infertility is a bit more complicated than waiting until one's 40's to conceive. Anyone having trouble in this part of their lives should read Niravi Payne's THE WHOLE PERSON FERTILITY PROGRAM. This amazing lady is a social worker who works the psychological aspect of infertility and actually helps couples unlock some of their mental hangups about becoming parents. Some go on to conceive, others learn to live with their condition or adopt. Most of her couples struggling in their 40's were trying in their 20's and 30's with no results, either. Much of the infertility related work I have come accross in the medical profession is on couples in their mid/late 20's and throughout the 30's, some of it on women who have repeatedly miscarried. It's quite a bit more complicated than the age of both partners, and no matter how people build their families...naturally, through medical intervention or adoption...kids always come w a price tag.
I love all of this that you rote. I am glad that you rote this for us. that is nice of you